COLLEGE STATION, Texas — After decades of suffering the sonic assault of University of Texas fans screaming “We’re back!” at every conceivable sporting and social gathering, researchers at Texas A&M University...
CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas — Facing a worsening water crisis and a public increasingly concerned about phrases like “aquifer depletion” and “municipal panic rationing,” Corpus Christi officials have unveiled a bold new...
SAN ANTONIO — Declaring “history is not a group project,” San Antonio Spurs legend George Gervin has officially moved to freeze Chicago Bears quarterback...
COLLEGE STATION, Texas — After decades of suffering the sonic assault of University of Texas fans screaming “We’re back!” at every conceivable sporting and...
AUSTIN, Texas — Thousands of tech founders, investors, and exhausted content creators gathered this week at South by Southwest, where many slowly came to...
LAKE JACKSON, Texas — In what legal scholars are calling “the most aggressive mascot crackdown since corporations realized animals can’t afford lawyers,” Texas travel-center empire...
Americans were left disappointed Monday after health officials confirmed that the newly nicknamed “Cicada” COVID variant does not cause sufferers to emerge from the ground, scream loudly and immediately ruin backyard...
WASHINGTON — The federal government announced this week that Immigration and Customs Enforcement and Transportation Security Administration have officially merged into a single, unified...
MASCOT HEAVEN — Residents here say the afterlife for retired brand characters has taken a noticeably darker turn recently since four despicable figures consolidated...
NEW YORK — Confronted with the radical discovery that life in New York costs money, officials of some kind here unveiled a groundbreaking new financial...
ORLANDO, Florida — Police arrested a Florida man this week after discovering a raccoon-run theft operation that officials describe as “efficient, deeply unsettling and frankly...
WASHINGTON — The White House announced Tuesday that President Donald Trump will impose a 25% tariff on all imported holy water, escalating his increasingly surreal feud with Pope Leo XIV and...
LAUSANNE, Switzerland — Declaring it would no longer be “caught flat-footed in the global Battle of the Bulge,” the International Olympic Committee unveiled a...
ELEUTHERA, Bahamas — In what scientists are carefully describing as “a sign of escalating environmental contamination” and everyone else is recognizing as “yeah, that tracks,”...
CARACAS — In a bold new foreign-policy initiative, U.S. officials announced plans this week to stabilize Venezuela’s notoriously lawless southern jungle by introducing what...
SAN ANTONIO — Declaring “history is not a group project,” San Antonio Spurs legend George Gervin has officially moved to freeze Chicago Bears quarterback Caleb Williams out of the nickname “Iceman,”...
LAUSANNE, Switzerland — Declaring it would no longer be “caught flat-footed in the global Battle of the Bulge,” the International Olympic Committee unveiled a...
NOME, Alaska — Officials with the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race confirmed Thursday that the event remains the only organized sport where the official...
SILVER PEAK, Colo. — In a performance sports scientists are calling “medically concerning but technically effective,” ultramarathon runner Kyle Benton stunned competitors last weekend...
DALLAS — With initiation fees soaring into the “second lake house” range, Dallas-area golf and country clubs have leaned fully into their brand identity:...
